#1 - So The Journey Begins...AGAIN!

If you know me, you'll know I have been quite a long way down this road before. If you know me, you'll also know that I backtracked somewhere along the way and ended up back where I started. If you don't know me, I'd better fill you in.

The question is "How did I get here?"

To give you the appropriate answer requires a brief history of me! Here goes

- July 1st 1980 I was literally pulled into the world with a pair of forceps while my poor mother lay unconscious due to birthing complications brought on by me being 3 weeks overdue and her suffering from full blown eclampsia. A long story for another time perhaps?

Here I am at 3 weeks old (playing my imaginary flute!)

- My childhood was pretty standard, apart from moving around a lot and having to adjust to new towns, schools and peers a lot. My parents were Salvation Army church officers until I was 11.

Cue embarrassing kiddy pictures...cringe!

- At 11 years old our family moved to my Mum's home town of Bolton after my parents came out of officership with the Salvation Army.

- I stayed there till I was 21 years of age. My mother and younger brother moved down to the south coast, specifically the Bournemouth area after my Mum and Dad divorced and my mother married a Dorset man. Again there is a long story behind this story. It's a fairytale love story really despite some tragic prior circumstances for both families involved. I stayed in Bolton, living with my older brother after the marriage despite only being 16 and thinking I was adult enough to look after myself. I finished college, then moved out of the old family home into halls of residence and a string of rather grotty student digs. I stayed in Bolton to complete my degree in Theatre and Film studies. I graduated with a 2:1 honours. Then after finishing uni and realising that Bolton was not the centre of my universe (again a long, not very pleasant story) I ran away to rejoin my mother, step father and little brother who were by then living in Poole.

- A few months of soul searching and very hard work (the start of my career with children) I found myself in a local rock club. It was Valentine's Day 2002. Not the best date to go out into town for the first time to find friends, but I don't do things by halves. I never have done! I went back 2 days later, determined not to give up the quest to find a social life. That very night I found my future husband.

- We moved in together 6 months after we met. It was more of a trial to see how we would get on as he had enrolled on a magazine journalism diploma course in Portsmouth. So we moved there together for the 6 months duration of his course and have never been apart since. We moved back to Dorset where we still reside today, with Hudson the Hermit a.k.a our Syrian hamster, the latest in a string of little fluffy hamsters we have owned together. We married in August 2009, happiest day of my life.

A couple of my fave wedding shots

 And a terrible picture included only because it shows off my dress well!!

- Over the last ten years I have been working in various schools as a teaching assistant. I have always been drawn to, or ended up working with children with special educational needs (which I will henceforth refer to simple as SEN as it is too long to keep typing out). I have worked in both mainstream and special schools with children aged 3 right up to 16 years old. I currently work in a special school in a class of wonderful primary aged children all of who have Autism. It is the best job in the world. I achieved Higher Level Teaching Assistant (HLTA) status in February this year. I also run an after school Drama club and teach Drama as a subject to pupils in the year 10 and 11 groups in the senior end of the school. And that takes us to today.

I know what you are thinking...

"So how does any of this relate to you being a chunky munky on a mission to slim down?"

Well, all events in our life lead us somewhere. The events of my life happen to have lead me to this point. I guess here is where the real sob story begins.

Let's put it this way, I have NEVER been typically slim. Apparently I was described as having 'rugby player legs' as a baby. I was stocky but not bigger than average as a child. I was into all the usual outdoor play I was fit and active. Even at secondary school, when it became apparent that I was larger than average still not hideously fat, I was on the sports teams. I played for the netball and rounders team. I did tennis coaching, swimming, everything really. I was a competitive payer and hated to be beaten, especially as a self conscious teen due to being that bit larger than all the popular slim girls. Aside from the sports, my real passions at school were music and drama. I was in the school choir and played in the school steel band for the duration of my secondary school life.I performed at many events in and out of school both musically and dramatically. So despite being conscious of my size, I still put myself out there. By the time I left school I was about a size 14-16.

As a reference point, here is me at aged 15 in my final year of school. I am the one at the front in the blue shirt (Yes prefects were made to dress in a different colour and stand out like a sore thumb!) So as you can see, not overely big but definitely not slim...I had decent shaped legs!!!)

 I do remember in year 8 being part of a parent's evening and modelling some PE kit for prospective parents. Unfortunately I was given the job of modelling the dance leotard. Great choice for the larger girl. I stood on stage in front of a couple of hundred people holding my belly in!

My self image never got any better and as I got older I gradually gained weight. I can attribute this to a number of factors. I ate poorly and at university I became more accustomed to junk food and alcohol with no other exercise than dancing at my local indie/rock club.

Here's me at about 19 years old, In my first year of Uni. I'm the one on the far right in jeans. In a size 18 here but not that much bigger that average but again I thought I was hideously fat back then. If only I knew then what I know now!

I am also one of life's great comfort/emotional eaters who seems to like the self destructive path to obesity. Many circumstances of my life have left me feeling very down and I turn to food. A lot of these circumstances I will not go into in great detail, painful memories that need to be laid to rest.

However, one factor I do have to talk about. It will become a primary focus of this blog. Unfortunately this factor is brought on by my weight and has left me trapped in a vicious circle. This factor is trying to conceive a child. I think this particular blog entry will become MUCH too long if I go into every detail here so I will just give a brief overview and come back to focus on it in more detail as time goes on.

For now I will say that as a result of my weight, trying to conceive a baby has been impossible. We have been officially trying for almost 2.5 years. Sadly it looks as though my weight has played havoc with my cycles, which at the current time of posting this blog have been all but absent for the last 7 years. Until the age of 24 I had NO issues, then....they just stopped for a year. They returned on average twice a year but more recently I have waited a year or more. Various tests deduce that all should be in working order and that my weight is the only thing standing between me and a baby.

I went on a mission to lose weight in January 2010 joining Slimming World. By June 2010 I was 4.5 stone lighter and Slimming World's woman of the year at my group. Somewhere along the line I took that big backtrack and have gained all the weight back. I won't say my actual weight but I am morbidly obese with chronic back pain. I hate it.


Here I am almost 4 stone lighter back in 2010, still big I realise!

But in comparison here I am, once again bigger earlier this year. Yes, I dress up now and then! (I usually live in jeans and and black tops)

And most recently, this was taken about a fortnight ago. Back to my biggest and not happy about it!

So here I am today pledging to get back on track with the weight loss in the hope of one day being slim enough, fit enough and able to conceive my much longed for baby. Which is where this blog comes into play. The purpose of this blog is to document that journey. I will be weighing in weekly and posting my thoughts, feelings, weight losses/gains, photos, videos, pleas for help...you name it. It will all be here.

I just don't think I can do it alone.

Which is where YOU come in. Please feel free to leave comments of encouragement and support. It helped immensely last time. I want to be announcing the birth of my baby here one day. When that day comes I will be the happiest woman alive.

Until then blogspot will share my life.

Tomorrow I shall go into more detail about my current circumstances and explain exactly what I hope to gain out of this journey, maybe share some photos of me to give you all a visual reference point.

Come January 1st 2012, the mission to take the chunky out of the munky truly begins...along with the tears and tantrums I mentioned... :)

Much love,
Emma
xxx